The Octagon strikes in real life

So apparently Chuck Norris didn't quite finish off the rogue terrorist ninjas during the final showdown in The Octagon.

The shadowy hand of the martial arts underworld has reached up from its supposed grave to strike down someone who was attempting to uncover them... apparently.

David Carradine who is most famous for his work on the show Kung Fu as well as the Kill Bill movies, was found dead in his hotel room the other day and there are many theories swirling as to what caused his death.

Some say suicide although family and friends dispute that...

Others say it was the classic autoerotic asphyxiation gone wrong, because let's face it that could happen to anybody. Although to go with that on this case there are a few question marks, Carradine's hands were apparently bound, although it's unclear if they were behind his back or above his head, now I don't know how exactly anyone can be choking the bishop with their hands tied, even if they are kung fu warriors. And I was pretty sure some sort of genital stimulation is still involved in the whole auto erotic thing, unless he's willing himself to orgasm with his Zen like mental prowess.

Also the fact that he was completely naked. I mean I personally am rarely full out buck when rubbing one out unless it's during my annual Extreme Masturbation Week, and adding in clothes to the equation of tugging, plus running down the stairs, bike riding ect, just would not work out well at all and end up with severe injuries. Also this theory at first seemed a little fucked up because what the hell kind of 72 year old man feels the need to be choking himself while he's keeping the beat... but I found the answer to that and it's this kind of 72 year old.

In the words of his ex wife who filed for divorce
"It was the continuation of abhorrent and deviant sexual behavior which was potentially deadly. His deviate behavior includes an incestuous relationship with a very close family member, which permeated our marriage. This is to his admission and the admission of the person involved."

Talk about a sexually enlightened fellow, and I also can't wait to see all the fuckups who come to my blog now because the word incestuous flagged their search.

Now the third and most amusing theory is so absurd you'd think it was thought up by L. Ron Hubbard himself. This proposed by Carradine's lawyer on Larry King the other night. He is saying that Carradine was brutally murdered by a pack of ninjas who were seeking to thwart Carradine's poking around into the dealing of the ninja underworld.

It was using their ninja stealth that they were able to sneak into the hotel and avoid the cameras and inflict their merciless brand of vigilante justice into the heart of the 72 year detective who was about to shine a light on the massive ring of ninja crime.

I also have a theory, it was a botched job, someone hired this elite ring of ninja assassins to kill David Caruso for being a big douche, and somewhere in the translation things got mixed up and Carradine was killed instead of Caruso, hey it's a mistake anybody could make, kind of like strangling yourself to death while masturbating, although maybe he was hoping to become the new lead singer of INXS which would explain that one too.


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