Dineley On Movies: The Octagon

Oh boy well we certainly have a winner with this one. I'm really not sure where to start my review of The Octagon, I guess I should say the star of this movie was Chuck Norris so really what was I expecting??

I guess I will start with the positives. The best part of this movie which was also very convenient was it gave me a new term to use for something that upsets you, the term being "that really burns my asshole."

So if someone was writing a review of this movie they could say, watching this movie really burned my asshole.

Besides that awesome expression, the other two good things about this movie was that the main character had two first names, Scott James, which is something that I'm a big fan of. The other was about 2.5 seconds of side boob.

Oh before I go on my huge rant to give you an idea of the pain I endured here is the plot synopsis from IMDB.

"A martial artist must defeat a plan by ninjas to create a worldwide training camp for terrorists."

Now to tear this movie a new asshole, which I hope will be burning.

In Anchorman Paul Rudd's character says that he nick named his penis The Octagon, and lets just say I would have rather watched his penis for two hours than this movie. This was the most convoluted, cheesy, confusing, plot holes, bad special effects filled flick ever. The movie needs a Myth Busters episode devoted too it, and I'm not just saying that because I want to watch Kari Byron for an hour. Everything in this movie could be busted, the fights, the special effects, the weapons, heck maybe even the fact that people actually watched it.

One other thing I actually enjoyed was Norris' mustache because it reminded me of Brian Tallet's dirty duster, which reminded me that the Jays had won earlier in the day which is awesome.

But anyways this movie was filled with guys wearing denim with bad hair, awful special effects, a score that was filled with so much uncalled for drama that it was ridiculous, and of course awful played out "ninja" fight scenes in a giant wooden octagon. The whole time I was watching the garbage fight scenes I was wishing for some Joe Rogan commentary. Also the one fight had a more drawn out death scene than any of the awesome Will Ferrel, Mustafa bits in the Austin Powers movies.

Anyways awful movie, please someone create one of those terrible Chuck Norris one liners involving death and watching this movie.

Also Mythbuster girl appreciation post will be in the not so distant future, she deserves it!


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