Dineley on Movies: The GIimmer Man as well as awesome Steven Seagal Content
A few days ago during one of my sojourns through the bowels of the internet I stumbled upon something that changed the course of my life. Before encountering this phenomena I was under the impression that Shaq being a cop when he wasn't playing hoops was the best thing to happen in the world of policing since well ever. But when I saw the video I have posted below, everything that I had once held true was shaken to the core and I was left in awe of the awesomeness of what was about to be hitting my TV set this fall.
So as you can no doubt guess after I saw that there was really no way I could review anything but a Steven Seagal movie for my next review. Lucky for me I happen to be in proud possession of this gem of modern technology.
I had always hesitated reviewing another Seagal movie because I figured it would basically be a word for word redo of the other one just switching out the title of the movie. So I apologize in advance for any joke redundancy but hey well worth it. So without any further rambling bullshit compliments of yours truly, the review.
The most important thing to note about this movie is that even expecting a Seagal movie, his ridiculousness was barely able to make this film break The Wayans Law. For those who are unware of my made up law, it's the basic theory that if any of the Wayans brothers appear anywhere in the credits the movie will be basically unwatchable, and basically the more Wayans associated with the movie the worse it will be, case in point, see below:
So anyways the master thespian/fighting skills of were able to overpower the presence of Wayans. So just like every other Seagal movie ever, Seagal plays a lose cannon cop who was discovered by some traitorous government higher up in the Vietnam war. He was then recruited for some super secret elite task force but then goes AWOL halfway through he war because he was ethically at odds with what he was being asked to do. Anyways years later in his career as a karate super cop he gets embroiled in a real ugly case which ends up revolving around the guy that recruited him years ago.
Then of course when this is discovered the bad guy then spills the beans on Seagal's past which had been a source of great mystery to the other bad guys as well as the police. In the case of this movie we learn that Seagal was called "The Glimmer Man" by the enemy combatants. "There'd be nothing but jungle, then you'd see a glimmer, then you're dead."
All in all this movie was the usual mix of Seagal antics. The highlight for me, even though I knew it was fake, was Seagal feeding Wayans some powdered deer penis to swallow for his allergies. I kind of wish it had been real to force him to pay for all the bad movies he has forced down the worlds throat as if he was Lexington Steele and the world was some naive 18 year old white girl from blacks on blondes. The one element this movie was lacking was the semi good looking female love interest such as dirty tramp mother from CSI who was in Fire Down Below or this broad from Under Siege.
Although when I found this picture I'm pretty sure she has put on more wait than Seagal has since that movie was made.
Anyways, you all better get stoked for Law Man this fall on A&E because it's going to be the best shit ever. And if you missed me awesome review of Fire Down Below you should check it out because I think it's some of my finest work.
So as you can no doubt guess after I saw that there was really no way I could review anything but a Steven Seagal movie for my next review. Lucky for me I happen to be in proud possession of this gem of modern technology.
I had always hesitated reviewing another Seagal movie because I figured it would basically be a word for word redo of the other one just switching out the title of the movie. So I apologize in advance for any joke redundancy but hey well worth it. So without any further rambling bullshit compliments of yours truly, the review.
The most important thing to note about this movie is that even expecting a Seagal movie, his ridiculousness was barely able to make this film break The Wayans Law. For those who are unware of my made up law, it's the basic theory that if any of the Wayans brothers appear anywhere in the credits the movie will be basically unwatchable, and basically the more Wayans associated with the movie the worse it will be, case in point, see below:
So anyways the master thespian/fighting skills of were able to overpower the presence of Wayans. So just like every other Seagal movie ever, Seagal plays a lose cannon cop who was discovered by some traitorous government higher up in the Vietnam war. He was then recruited for some super secret elite task force but then goes AWOL halfway through he war because he was ethically at odds with what he was being asked to do. Anyways years later in his career as a karate super cop he gets embroiled in a real ugly case which ends up revolving around the guy that recruited him years ago.
Then of course when this is discovered the bad guy then spills the beans on Seagal's past which had been a source of great mystery to the other bad guys as well as the police. In the case of this movie we learn that Seagal was called "The Glimmer Man" by the enemy combatants. "There'd be nothing but jungle, then you'd see a glimmer, then you're dead."
All in all this movie was the usual mix of Seagal antics. The highlight for me, even though I knew it was fake, was Seagal feeding Wayans some powdered deer penis to swallow for his allergies. I kind of wish it had been real to force him to pay for all the bad movies he has forced down the worlds throat as if he was Lexington Steele and the world was some naive 18 year old white girl from blacks on blondes. The one element this movie was lacking was the semi good looking female love interest such as dirty tramp mother from CSI who was in Fire Down Below or this broad from Under Siege.
Although when I found this picture I'm pretty sure she has put on more wait than Seagal has since that movie was made.
Anyways, you all better get stoked for Law Man this fall on A&E because it's going to be the best shit ever. And if you missed me awesome review of Fire Down Below you should check it out because I think it's some of my finest work.
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